I never thought that I would ever hear a candidate running for the United State Senate say out loud, "that sperm don't hunt!" Which is approximately what Missouri Congressman Todd Akin said when describing what happens when a woman is "legitimately" raped. He said that he got that "well-documented" biological information from a couple of magazine articles. Maybe it was from a blog. Perhaps he saw it on the wall of the men's room at his local lodge. My guess is he heard it at a Hank Williams Jr. concert.
The Congressman was talking about rape in regards to the abortion issue. He doesn't believe that there should be any exception when it comes to abortion. I hate the premise of that whole debate. Abortion is not about exceptions. That narrows the discussion. It is about a woman's right to choose. Lately people talk about the life of the mother, incest, and rape. I want some woman to stand up and say, "It's not just about those instances. I had a pitcher of margaritas last night and allowed Tony to get further than first base. Thank God I had my morning after pill."
Oh well, who really cares about this guy in Missouri anyway. Let the folks under the golden arch work this out in their own state. Nobody in their right mind would align themselves with this guy's wacky ideology anyway. Nobody except the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Paul Ryan. Together Ryan and Akin co-sponsored a bill that deems that personhood begins at conception. Whatever. I happen to think that there is a difference between egg salad and fried chicken but apparently they don't. They happen to believe that an embryo could go on Jeopardy and do rather well. "I'll go to Zygotes for $200."
Paul Ryan said that the term "legitimate" rape used by Congressman Akin was ridiculous. Less ridiculous to Ryan was the term "forcible" rape which he had in his co-sponsored bill. That terminology was eventually deleted. From the bill. Not from the brain of Paul Ryan.
Playing the good soldier, Ryan said that for the most part he agreed with Mitt Romney on abortion. Romney believes (well, at least today he believes) that in cases of rape and incest there can be abortions. Ryan said that Romney's position was a "step in the right direction". Ryan basically believes that there are no exceptions when it comes to abortion. He also doesn't approve of tongues being used between a man and a woman. He thinks tongues are icky.
So; where are these steps in the right direction going? If I was a woman I'd be leafing through travel brochures for Toronto and Vancouver. That's where the ladies will have to go to have an abortion in the near future if the Republicans have their way. I know arroz con pollo is better than Canadian bacon, but you don't really want to go to Mexico and have some ill-equipped clinic go South of the Border on you. You know, it is one thing for Kobe Bryant to go to Germany to have work done on his knee - it is another thing entirely for your 15 year old daughter having to travel to the land of Dudley Do Right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. What the hell is happening in this country!
Once again we need to hear more from younger women. A little more outrage please. Today it seems that if you ask some sorority co-ed named Heather what she thinks of Roe vs Wade, she will respond, "I don't follow tennis that much, but I think that Maria Sharapova has great skin." Somebody should write a sequel to the Vagina Monologues and call it the Clitoris Chronicles. Women that had to have abortions in the past should recount their stories of wire hangers and back alleys. School the black-nail polish generation. Create an uprising.
Todd Akin's comments were beyond contempt. Unfortunately they are not as far enough away from the mainstream as you might think. When all the furor dies down it wouldn't surprise me one bit if Akin got elected. If he loses he'll probably get a gig doing commercials for Cialis. My guess is that his sperm hasn't hunted in years.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
GOOD EVENING MR. PHELPS
SPOILER ALERT: Really enjoyed the Olympics Games closing ceremonies. The way the athletes all came together. The tanking badminton players and the failed dope testers. The corrupt boxing officials and the legally blind soccer referees. I thought that it was cute watching all the female swimmers swim away from LeBron James. I was a little concerned when security had to tackle Sir Paul McCartney after he ran onto the track. Sir Paul had grabbed a microphone and wanted to lead all the fans in another rousing rendition of "Hey Jude". "Hey Jude" again!!! Really!!! The evening closed with Lady Gaga doing her rendition of Peter Allen's song "I Go To Rio" to celebrate the 2016 Olympics. It was quite a visual treat.
Wait a minute. You thought that the Olympics were closing up this weekend. Oh no, the games ended last night. NBC will show you those closing ceremonies on Sunday.
How about that NBC coverage? Dan Quayle was no Jack Kennedy and Bob Costas is no Jim McKay. "Why show events live when we can tape them and show them at 11:55 at night."
Hey NBC, it's not 1984. There's this little thing called the internet. We have cell phones. You cannot watch anything on television including House Hunters International without a crawl at the bottom of the screen telling you that some Bulgarian just won the discus. Everybody knew that Usain Bolt had won the 100 meter dash before finishing their cobb salad at lunch. Even the freakin' sequestered contestants on Big Brother knew that Michael Phelps had just won another gold before NBC aired it.
I used to love Mary Carillo. Now, not so much. I don't know about you, but when I tune in to watch the Olympics I'd like to see...the Olympics. Not stories on bagpipes, James Bond, and Greenwich. Mary went Rick Steves on us. Drove me nuts. Bob Costas would say to her, "the marathon runners will have to face that large hill." Mary would reply, "speaking of a large hill - Benny Hill was Great Britain's most beloved comedian." Then every viewer would lose twelve minutes of their lives that they would never get back.
I don't know about you but I will never watch that new NBC show with Matthew Perry. In the middle of the 10,000 meter final they cut to the ex-Friends star's over-mugging face. In the middle of a young swimmer going for gold they cut to a "comedic therapy session" with Perry. Not watching that new show with the Dads and their babies either.
It seemed like the airing of women's gymnastics never ended. There's the team competition. The individual competition. The individual event competition. The crying competition. Ok, I'm going to say it. The elephant in the room. Those tiny little girls seem to be genetically altered. Except for Gabby, they all look like that little annoying kid on that show the Middle.
Now, I enjoy seeing women in underwear as much as any other man. But, how many hours of beach volleyball can they show. Sure the Spain's woman beach volleyball player has one of the greatest asses of all time, but I'd like to see one javelin go through the air at least once.
China was leading the medal count. I think NBC showed only two Chinese gold medal victories. It was much more important to talk about the American that finished seventh. The only time that NBC talked about an athlete that wasn't from the USA - that athlete had no legs. That's a high price to pay for getting airtime.
The Olympics that I grew up with were all about track and field, swimming, gymnastics, boxing, and hating Russia. Now it is about Kobe, women playing at the beach in lingerie, and NBC promoting a show that looks like a pale imitation of Modern Family. Yes, the ratings were high. Yes, we got to see many athletes perform at a high level. But for me, NBC's coverage put a damper on this year's Olympic experience. "The thrill of victory and the agony of Ryan Seacrest."
Wait a minute. You thought that the Olympics were closing up this weekend. Oh no, the games ended last night. NBC will show you those closing ceremonies on Sunday.
How about that NBC coverage? Dan Quayle was no Jack Kennedy and Bob Costas is no Jim McKay. "Why show events live when we can tape them and show them at 11:55 at night."
Hey NBC, it's not 1984. There's this little thing called the internet. We have cell phones. You cannot watch anything on television including House Hunters International without a crawl at the bottom of the screen telling you that some Bulgarian just won the discus. Everybody knew that Usain Bolt had won the 100 meter dash before finishing their cobb salad at lunch. Even the freakin' sequestered contestants on Big Brother knew that Michael Phelps had just won another gold before NBC aired it.
I used to love Mary Carillo. Now, not so much. I don't know about you, but when I tune in to watch the Olympics I'd like to see...the Olympics. Not stories on bagpipes, James Bond, and Greenwich. Mary went Rick Steves on us. Drove me nuts. Bob Costas would say to her, "the marathon runners will have to face that large hill." Mary would reply, "speaking of a large hill - Benny Hill was Great Britain's most beloved comedian." Then every viewer would lose twelve minutes of their lives that they would never get back.
I don't know about you but I will never watch that new NBC show with Matthew Perry. In the middle of the 10,000 meter final they cut to the ex-Friends star's over-mugging face. In the middle of a young swimmer going for gold they cut to a "comedic therapy session" with Perry. Not watching that new show with the Dads and their babies either.
It seemed like the airing of women's gymnastics never ended. There's the team competition. The individual competition. The individual event competition. The crying competition. Ok, I'm going to say it. The elephant in the room. Those tiny little girls seem to be genetically altered. Except for Gabby, they all look like that little annoying kid on that show the Middle.
Now, I enjoy seeing women in underwear as much as any other man. But, how many hours of beach volleyball can they show. Sure the Spain's woman beach volleyball player has one of the greatest asses of all time, but I'd like to see one javelin go through the air at least once.
China was leading the medal count. I think NBC showed only two Chinese gold medal victories. It was much more important to talk about the American that finished seventh. The only time that NBC talked about an athlete that wasn't from the USA - that athlete had no legs. That's a high price to pay for getting airtime.
The Olympics that I grew up with were all about track and field, swimming, gymnastics, boxing, and hating Russia. Now it is about Kobe, women playing at the beach in lingerie, and NBC promoting a show that looks like a pale imitation of Modern Family. Yes, the ratings were high. Yes, we got to see many athletes perform at a high level. But for me, NBC's coverage put a damper on this year's Olympic experience. "The thrill of victory and the agony of Ryan Seacrest."
Thursday, August 2, 2012
CHICK-FIL-A-NUTS
Why is it that the CEO who opens his big mouth and creates controversy, always works for something that consumers want? You never hear, "All show tunes should be banned!", from the President of the Colonoscopy Foundation. You never hear, "Women should have the right to choose their shoes and nothing else", from the head of the California Prune Association.
It's the bosses at Coors, Whole Foods, Amazon.com, Vegas casinos, and now Chick-Fil-A that seem to be doing all the spewing. I believe that everybody, with the exception of Kirk Cameron, has the right to say whatever he or she believes in. However; there can be consequences to opinion. Since there isn't any middle any more, people on both ends of the spectrum tend to get riled up. One shouldn't have to weigh what one says but that is not the world that we live in.
I don't believe in ridding the nation of all Chick-Fil-A establishments because of the words of its President Dan Cathy. In case you hadn't heard Mr. Cathy believes that, according to the bible, you can never wear pajamas that had been once worn by a gay man. As long as Nathan Lane can order waffle potato fries and Cynthia Nixon can apply for a job as a server at Chick-Fil-A, the head in the sand Mr. Cathy, can stay open for business. Instead of pickets and righteous indignation I believe that what should happen to Mr. Cathy is that he should be a guest on a re-vamped version of "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy". Let Carson Kressley teach him a few things. Snap! Snap!
What is wrong with Ellen DeGeneres, the friendly lesbian talk show host, doing ads for J.C. Penney? The outcry over her being a spokesperson for the chain was insane. Folks treated J.C. Penney like they had been Hertz hiring O.J. Simpson back to run through airports again. What a waste of energy? Besides, does anybody really believe that Ellen shops at J.C. Penney. Come on.
The wife won't shop at Whole Foods. I thought that the reason she didn't shop there was that she didn't have a coupon for sprouts. Wrong. It seems that its CEO John Mackey isn't a big fan of national healthcare. He wants to keep the government out of bed pans. Let people fend for themselves. He believes in giving tax breaks to volunteers that are willing to give a donation to someone that doesn't have insurance. When was the last time you got a knock on your door from a volunteer willing to pay your bill at Cedars?
People are upset with Jeff Bezos. He is Amazon.com's big honcho. It seems, close your ears, that he gave 2.5 million dollars to the save same sex marriage campaign. Can you imagine. What do we do now? Does this mean I might have to leave my house to buy something. No, I say. Just because some CEO does some "wacky" thing with his money doesn't mean I have to start paying sales tax.
What about the Coors family? Proud American brewers. It seems like that family doesn't have a history of being African-American friendly. William Coors had quite an opinion about Jesse Jackson and others. God forbid that a minority would dare voice a complaint about the USA. Mr. Coors said, "You don't see Jesse Jackson, or any other of these blacks making any mass exodus back to Africa, do you?" I guess I'm not ordering that second pitcher.
How about Sheldon Adelson? Newt Gingrich's pimp. He owns the Venetian in Vegas. I am not giving up my right to swim in the "European pool" just because of Sheldon's right wing leanings. I need to see breasts that aren't mine. So what if he owns the Republican Party; at least he doesn't have Celine Dionne headlining.
You wonder if some of the products and their spokespersons of the past would have held up under the scrutiny of today's multitudes of social networks. Col. Sanders probably enjoyed cockfighting. Orville Redenbacher probably wore women's clothes. Betty Crocker was a lesbian that had had a long term relationship with Hilda the vice president of daytime programming at CBS.
Where do you draw the line when it comes to boycotting? Should it also include the arts. Sean Penn played checkers with Hugo Chavez. Do you now have to change the channel every time that Fast Times at Ridgemont High comes on. Jon Voight recently wrote about Pres Obama, "Your destruction of the country may never be remedied, and we may never recover." That quote affects not only his movies but his daughter Angelina Jolie's movies as well. Ok, being a man of strong conviction, I will never watch The Tourist again. Brad Pitt gets a pass. We all have in-law issues. What about viewing a Disney film? Walt was anti-union and would have labeled anybody that gave Mary Poppins a bad review as a Communist.
We live in a nation where CEO's say the darndest things. We live in a nation where actors and artists say the darndest things. If we paid attention to everything that every CEO says, we might not buy anything. If we paid attention to everything that every actor said we wouldn't see anything. You have to let some of it slide. Otherwise you will never eat a chicken sandwich, drink a beer, buy a book, visit Disneyland, or take the kids to the "back to school sale" at J.C. Penney.
I live by this one motto when it comes to all of this: Let me see breasts at the Venetian and I promise to never watch reruns of Growing Pains ever again.
It's the bosses at Coors, Whole Foods, Amazon.com, Vegas casinos, and now Chick-Fil-A that seem to be doing all the spewing. I believe that everybody, with the exception of Kirk Cameron, has the right to say whatever he or she believes in. However; there can be consequences to opinion. Since there isn't any middle any more, people on both ends of the spectrum tend to get riled up. One shouldn't have to weigh what one says but that is not the world that we live in.
I don't believe in ridding the nation of all Chick-Fil-A establishments because of the words of its President Dan Cathy. In case you hadn't heard Mr. Cathy believes that, according to the bible, you can never wear pajamas that had been once worn by a gay man. As long as Nathan Lane can order waffle potato fries and Cynthia Nixon can apply for a job as a server at Chick-Fil-A, the head in the sand Mr. Cathy, can stay open for business. Instead of pickets and righteous indignation I believe that what should happen to Mr. Cathy is that he should be a guest on a re-vamped version of "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy". Let Carson Kressley teach him a few things. Snap! Snap!
What is wrong with Ellen DeGeneres, the friendly lesbian talk show host, doing ads for J.C. Penney? The outcry over her being a spokesperson for the chain was insane. Folks treated J.C. Penney like they had been Hertz hiring O.J. Simpson back to run through airports again. What a waste of energy? Besides, does anybody really believe that Ellen shops at J.C. Penney. Come on.
The wife won't shop at Whole Foods. I thought that the reason she didn't shop there was that she didn't have a coupon for sprouts. Wrong. It seems that its CEO John Mackey isn't a big fan of national healthcare. He wants to keep the government out of bed pans. Let people fend for themselves. He believes in giving tax breaks to volunteers that are willing to give a donation to someone that doesn't have insurance. When was the last time you got a knock on your door from a volunteer willing to pay your bill at Cedars?
People are upset with Jeff Bezos. He is Amazon.com's big honcho. It seems, close your ears, that he gave 2.5 million dollars to the save same sex marriage campaign. Can you imagine. What do we do now? Does this mean I might have to leave my house to buy something. No, I say. Just because some CEO does some "wacky" thing with his money doesn't mean I have to start paying sales tax.
What about the Coors family? Proud American brewers. It seems like that family doesn't have a history of being African-American friendly. William Coors had quite an opinion about Jesse Jackson and others. God forbid that a minority would dare voice a complaint about the USA. Mr. Coors said, "You don't see Jesse Jackson, or any other of these blacks making any mass exodus back to Africa, do you?" I guess I'm not ordering that second pitcher.
How about Sheldon Adelson? Newt Gingrich's pimp. He owns the Venetian in Vegas. I am not giving up my right to swim in the "European pool" just because of Sheldon's right wing leanings. I need to see breasts that aren't mine. So what if he owns the Republican Party; at least he doesn't have Celine Dionne headlining.
You wonder if some of the products and their spokespersons of the past would have held up under the scrutiny of today's multitudes of social networks. Col. Sanders probably enjoyed cockfighting. Orville Redenbacher probably wore women's clothes. Betty Crocker was a lesbian that had had a long term relationship with Hilda the vice president of daytime programming at CBS.
Where do you draw the line when it comes to boycotting? Should it also include the arts. Sean Penn played checkers with Hugo Chavez. Do you now have to change the channel every time that Fast Times at Ridgemont High comes on. Jon Voight recently wrote about Pres Obama, "Your destruction of the country may never be remedied, and we may never recover." That quote affects not only his movies but his daughter Angelina Jolie's movies as well. Ok, being a man of strong conviction, I will never watch The Tourist again. Brad Pitt gets a pass. We all have in-law issues. What about viewing a Disney film? Walt was anti-union and would have labeled anybody that gave Mary Poppins a bad review as a Communist.
We live in a nation where CEO's say the darndest things. We live in a nation where actors and artists say the darndest things. If we paid attention to everything that every CEO says, we might not buy anything. If we paid attention to everything that every actor said we wouldn't see anything. You have to let some of it slide. Otherwise you will never eat a chicken sandwich, drink a beer, buy a book, visit Disneyland, or take the kids to the "back to school sale" at J.C. Penney.
I live by this one motto when it comes to all of this: Let me see breasts at the Venetian and I promise to never watch reruns of Growing Pains ever again.
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