DEBATE IS ENOUGH

 Just when you thought that reality television couldn't get any worse, CNN picks up the remaining 37 GOP debate episodes.  Come to CNN for gaffes and laughs.  Maybe I shouldn't be expecting Lincoln - Douglas.  After all, the candidates are asked to answer questions posed to them by an anchor named Wolf.  But, come on GOP hopefuls.  Dial it up.  You are running for President of the United States.
 Quite a cast of characters these GOP candidates.  In a previous life, for thirty years,  I was a television casting director.  Responsible for putting actors into the right roles.  I was pretty good at it.  However; there was always that one show where things just didn't go right.  The material sucked.  No one that you wanted for the show was available to do it.  It shot in Vancouver.  Various reasons.  These Republican candidates seem like the cast I put into a pilot that included a bunch of unknowns and Gary Busey as the Father figure.
 Mitt always stands in the center.  The others flank him as if they were his help.  Santorum smiles for no apparent reason.  Bachmann wears her "Proud To Be A Stepford" t-shirt.  Newt checks out the audience members for number 4.  Perry is practicing his ad libs to himself.  Huntsman is on his cellphone talking to his wife to see if she has given birth to another kid.  Herman Cain is checking with his military advisors as to what side of his coat he should put his flag pin on.  Ron Paul is hoping that the federal government is not paying for the electricity in the building.
 There is a sameness to these get-togethers.  Each debate starts with the moderator explaining the rules.  Whereupon Newt Gingrich immediately challenges the rules citing left wing media bias.  Then the Mitt-bashing begins.  How many times can you call Mitt a flip flopper?  Apparently numerous times.  He was for healthcare mandates.  He's now against mandates.  He was pro-choice.  He now is pro-life.  He is a Mormon.  He was a Muslim.  The repeating theme is for everybody on stage to take a poke at Mr. Front Runner.  Instead of a spirited discussion on the issues; you feel like you are watching a roast on Comedy Central without Gilbert Gottfried.
 The other pinata in the room is of course President Obama and those no good Democrats.  Gov. Perry is still not sure where Obama was born.  No one has told him that Hawaii is now a state.  Romney doesn't believe that Pres. Obama really knows just how much the people are suffering with today's economy.  Romney says he does know how they feel.  Citing that he still gets cards and letters from the workers that got laid off because of the acquisition of their company by Mitt's venture capital firm Bain Capital.  Michele Bachmann could have Herman Cain's hand going up her skirt and all she would be spouting was, "We need to repeal Obamacare".  I have my own problems with Obama, but at some point in time you have to say, "Herman, move that freakin' hand!"
 Herman seems to go after the Democrats more than he does go after Obama.  After all Barack is a "brutha".  Cain refers to former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi as Princess Nancy.  He also refers to Congressman Barney Frank as Princess Barney.
 At this point in the debate the first Ronald Reagan reference is uttered.  Usually by Rick Santorum.  This is when Gov Perry jumps in and directly challenges Santorum.  "I knew Ronald Reagan.  Let me tell you Mr. Santorum...you are no Jack Kennedy."
 Time now to insert the religious component.  Rick Perry and Herman Cain believe that God told them to run.  What they don't know is that God told Obama that he/she was really going to mess with the GOP.  Thank God!
  Usually towards the end of the debate the anchor introduces into the dullness - one "hot topic" issue.  At the last debate waterboarding was that topic.  Here come the sound bytes.  Huntsman called it torture.  Ron Paul wanted to know if the federal government was paying for the water.  Michele Bachmann believes that waterboarding is necessary.  She, in fact, would like to try it out on the cast of the local Minneapolis production of Rent.  Cain wouldn't hesitate to use it.  He would actually enhance it by having a naked Gloria Allred in the room while the waterboarding was taking place.
 The debate ends usually when Ron Paul raises his hand.  Don't know if he wants to make a point or has to go to the men's room.  CNN pundits then review the debate through James Carville's squinty eyes.  There are no winners.  Usually they say that Romney didn't do anything to harm his campaign and that Huntsman didn't do anything to help his.  Then there is the banal talk of Iowa and New Hampshire.
 I guess the one thing that we can all be grateful for is that there are no Democratic Presidential debates this time around.  But, we all can look forward to four years from now when taking the stage for the Democrats will be the likes of Hilary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, Joe Biden, Jerry Brown, Yo Yo Ma, and Alec Baldwin.